This is not original but a rough translation of the post I have referenced at the end.

It has come to the attention of management that some colleagues are using unwanted language in the course of normal conversations with their peers. Due to complaints from members of staff this will no longer be tolerated. The following innovative suggestions for language use come to mind.

I think some more training may be of use to you
rather than You haven’t a fucking clue, do you?

She’s a dynamic worker
rather than she is a ballbusting bitch.

I may be able to work some overtime
rather than And where the fuck am I supposed to find time for this as well?

I don’t believe this is possible
rather than Theres no fucking way.

Really?
rather than Blow it outr your ass.

The problem is on my todo list for attention
rather than Who gives a rats arse?

I was not part of that project team
rather than Not my fucking problem

That’s interesting
rather than What the fuck? You got rocks in your head?

I am not sure implementation is an option
rather than Fuck that, this crap’s never going to work.

I’ll schedule it
rather than Why the fuck didn’t you tell me earlier?

He is not au fait with the facts
rather than, What? That moron has less knowledge than a dead fuckwit.

I beg your pardon?
not fuck you twat.

So, You are dissatisfied with the issue
not, Thats your fucking issue, not mine.

I am a little overloaded, can you find someone else?
not Fuckit, I am not paid enough for the crap.

I don’t think you understand
not Shove it where the sun don’t shine.

I love a challenge
not, What a crap job.

Do you want me to find a solution?
not Who the fuck died and made you god?

He is a little insensitive
not. Is that fuckwit still here?

Thank you for your co-operation
Human resources

This bloke is an ubergeek

#53151 (5311/6931)

<k2xl> in 1998, i made a C++ program to calculate pi to a billion digits.
<k2xl> i coded it on my laptop (pentium 2 i think) and then ran the program.
<k2xl> the next day i got a new laptop but decided to keep the program running.
<k2xl> it’s been over seven years now since i ran it. and this morning it finished calculating.
<k2xl> the output:
<k2xl> “THE VALUE OF PI TO THE BILLIONTH DIGIT IS = ”
<k2xl> mindblowing eh?
<k2xl> i looked in the code of my program, and i found out that i forgot to output the value .
Comment: true story, i fixed the code and am running it again

Marriage 101

Submit
Your husband might tell you what to do all of the time, or he might only put his foot down once in a while. Submit to his leadership as long as he doesn’t ask you to do something that is a sin. Even if he does try to get you to do wrong sometimes, you can still obey him in other areas. You can respectfully disagree with bad decisions or try to influence him, but he has the final say so in your decisions as a couple. Once your husband is confident that you respect his authority, he might put you in charge of several areas. My husband has delegated handling our finances to me, but from time to time, I will ask his advice about a financial decision that I make. If you want to be the neck that turns the head, you’ve got to let the head be the head.

Treat him like a man
Making your husband feel like a man goes hand in hand with submission. Be impressed with even his smallest accomplishments. Praise him in a sincere way for the good he does instead of nagging about his shortcomings. Talk him up in front of other people. Plant ideas in his head if you need to, but let him think your ideas are his own.

before you hunt me down, I copied it from here.